too sweet for my benefit

Its been sometime since i have assaulted anyone and truthfully, i no longger feel like im up to it. Maybe im more matured, maybe ive gotten soft like half boiled egg, maybe its the avenging sun melting my bitterness of life and let it drip down the cold pavement which it then cool of like wax and crack away from me when i move.

Maybe.

*sigh*

am i getting bland people? or i have always been bland. you think you know yourself, but when the way you describe yourself no longger fits you, you became barefoot. like an old shoe, no longger fits like a glove. going barefooted for a while...ill think of what i have become and evaluate if itll bring good or bad to me.

GOD. everything is rushing towards me so fast, i couldnt control any of it. Ive always taken things as they go, but what if it flew by my too fast, i barely catch it? what if like a bubble, it floats by but as i touch it, it bursts into thousands sparks of cold soap that sting my eyes and leave my finggers sticky?

Sleepless nights devour my ability to be a straight arrow. I shoot blind these days, it startled me. I need clarity of mind and I dont think a caffeine mix would fix it.

Ill take a breather now. though my heart pounds and shall burst with another anxiety attack.

*breath*

I read this again and realize that im such a drama queen.