IF this is supposed to be a start, why does it feel like the end? The end of having freedom, the end to anything equalling to fun. Here comes responsibility thumping on its way, announcing itself with no shame.

I dont mind having some responsibility, I know it will make me more aware of what is important. I dont want to be selfish. But then again, my whole life has been about pleasing others. Making other people feel accepted, understanding, letting things go even without a single utter of SORRY.

Over and over I fall into a deep hole of phunk. Knowing the many potential I have to be whatever I want to be. But at all times adhering to the limits set by others. WHY? why should I be dicteted by what other people feel right? By the definition of their success? Suddenly being me is not enough. My submissive ways are viewed as nonchalant. I do care, that is why I let you choose what you want. And yet another submissive word is banned from my dictionary.

There seem to always be one person in my life who can suck the words out of me. Someone who I can only fight in my own mind. Because if i say it out loud, it will be accompanied by tears, gushing and streaming. In the end I know it is to no avail as it has been said and done. It has been said and done before. So to say it again feels redundant, feels self repetitive.

Justification. Who has the right to justify in this world? Only God can judge. Then why does all of my actions and words are judged and justified by other people? And why in the hell do I have to care about their justification of me? When all I care about is them? Does it mean; to care for a person is to believe what they say about you? Is that justified???

Posting this will not bring any different in my life. It is just to rant. I know it. You know it. So why do I bother writting this then?

include me in your ridiculous plan so that i can avoid it

If you just happen to forget, I hate, I repeat, I despise being late. Especially to class. When arriving late, people stare when I come in. Its being disrespectful to the lecturer and in the end Ill not pay attention to the class cause I dont know what she is talking bout. Seriously. I hate being late to class! when will you realize this? even after ive told you thhousand times. when you read this, oyull get mad, but ive told you I HATE BEING LATE TO CLASS. so this is me telling you again in a different manner so that i might stick in your head longger.

When will you realize vienna wont wait for you. Itll sink by the time you realize its there. URGH

Baby Yusof yangg comel!!!

introducing baby yusof, no no not my nephew. he's the son of my second cousin which makes me his aunty. haha! aunty! will be that soon!

what's special about this baby is that he is actually adopted from an ingenous family and my cuz bathed him in milk everyday to avoid from him getting dark...

Hes so friendly..and he almost never cries...falls asleep really easy in a boss pose.

Ejin is so in love with him. in fact he is the first ever baby to land in ejin's arms. she had never been a fan of babies before. A good signal as she is also going to be a baby soon. Tho it seems my youngest brother still need to learn how to hold a baby. *sigh

too sweet for my benefit

Its been sometime since i have assaulted anyone and truthfully, i no longger feel like im up to it. Maybe im more matured, maybe ive gotten soft like half boiled egg, maybe its the avenging sun melting my bitterness of life and let it drip down the cold pavement which it then cool of like wax and crack away from me when i move.

Maybe.

*sigh*

am i getting bland people? or i have always been bland. you think you know yourself, but when the way you describe yourself no longger fits you, you became barefoot. like an old shoe, no longger fits like a glove. going barefooted for a while...ill think of what i have become and evaluate if itll bring good or bad to me.

GOD. everything is rushing towards me so fast, i couldnt control any of it. Ive always taken things as they go, but what if it flew by my too fast, i barely catch it? what if like a bubble, it floats by but as i touch it, it bursts into thousands sparks of cold soap that sting my eyes and leave my finggers sticky?

Sleepless nights devour my ability to be a straight arrow. I shoot blind these days, it startled me. I need clarity of mind and I dont think a caffeine mix would fix it.

Ill take a breather now. though my heart pounds and shall burst with another anxiety attack.

*breath*

I read this again and realize that im such a drama queen.

The Great Orangutan Project

Im currently thinking of interning at the National Zoo with the Great Orangutan Project.I guess, since i love animals n conservation and events and writting, it would be the perfect job for me. But hey, I might love the idea, but I need the WOX people to love me too~Pray that i get this job?I was hoping that maybe one day ill get to work with elephants too. *cross finggers*Long way to the Zoo from PJ, yes..but worth it!
For more info on the project:

The Great Orangutan Project (GOP) is a collection of projects that you can become involved in, designed to save the orangutan and help local communities. You can do this in one of two ways: by volunteering on a GOP project, or holidaying on a GOP ecotour (such as our fantastic Orangutan and Tribes Tour).

All GOP projects are based in Malaysia and Borneo. All of them are made possible by your money. All GOP projects are run by WOX conservationists and not big travel operators. So rest assured in the knowledge that you will be participating in real projects that make a real difference. Each GOP project has the shared vision of increasing the size and health of Bornean orangutan populations, bringing them back from the brink of extinction.

Working together:

The GOP's collection of projects brings together a host of interested parties, including local government, local communities, conservation experts and volunteers, ensuring an holistic approach to conservation. The GOP's strength lies its collective of minds, and from their exchange of knowledge, expertise and ideas in orangutan conservation. This takes place through research, education, discussion forums, peer to peer knowledge sharing, volunteerism and through media involvement.

Our Philosophy:

Here at WOX, we believe that our orangutan conservation activities, although ultimately aimed at increasing orangutan populations, should have the simultaneous aim of improving the socio-economic status of human communities living alongside orangutans. Orangutan conservation in areas inhabited by human communities cannot succeed unless consideration is given to the stake held by these communities in the natural land that surrounds them. Engaging local people in wildife management which they can benefit from economically can create a win win situation, whereby wildlife is protected and community welfare is improved at the same time. Put simply, make orangutan conservation so vital to local communities in Borneo that they will protect and nurture, rather than hunt and kill them.

By addressing people's needs and by helping them understand their relationship with the forest, WOX hopes to reduce poverty, encourage responsible consumption and land use, and provide economically advantageous alternatives to behaviour that could be harmful to the orangutan by communities struggling to survive. WOX aims to abate negative human-wildlife encounters through its efforts, and to gain greater community support for orangutan conservation.

WOX currently works to achieve this through:

Responsible volunteering: WOX believes responsible volunteering is key to creating sustainable, meaningful and successful projects which can benefit both local communities and their surrounding environment. WOX has developed an ethical and innovative aproach to volunteerism through the GOP, and succesfully runs several volunteer programmes under the GOP in Malaysia and Borneo. Find out more at our Responsible Volunteering section.

Responsible tourism: responsible tourism can be both a sustainable economic alternative and a successful orangutan conservation strategy. WOX has created ecotours that are sensitive to both the local environment and culture.

Careers in conservation: by providing villagers with employment opportunities in orangutan conservation, and by making conservation economically attractive to resource owners through meaningful collaborations.
Projects:

The Great Orangutan Project has the one of the most number of orangutan projects, making WOX one of the world's foremost orangutan conservation organisations. The GOP currently operates on the ground within these areas of Malaysia and Borneo.

Nielsen??

Job Summary:

Assist in data collection under close supervision of team leaders / supervisors

Typical Responsibilities

§Conduct face to face or indoor telephone market survey (depends on the time availability) in accordance with the briefing procedures

§Adhere to work schedules and submit field reports within the operating schedule

§Make necessary preparation before data collection i.e. contact details, arrange documents, forms and incentives

§Adhere to field instruction and attend all briefings organized by senior staff

Note: No sales or marketing is involved.

Position Pre-requisites:

§Students interested in working during holidays

§Students who are undergoing industrial training and are interested in market research operations

§Any field of study is accepted

Salary will be based on piece-rate

Oh god... How do i make the decision...? Nielsen? Universal Tam Buiders? Or wait for Zoo to call me?

or maybe KLUE can find it in their hearts to contact me soon! sigh sigh sigh

NO Lakeside for CMM?

Bad News. i hate bearing the bad news.

there is a high possibility that Comm school will only be transfered to the lakeside campus NEXT SEMESTER!! leaving out us the fabulous last year students.

I HATE YOU TAYLORS FOR GIVING ME FALSE HOPES AND DREAMS!!!